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| This industry is not so premeditated, what I'm trying to say is I let quite a few opportunities flew by due to my own arrogance, It's not like; "Now I'm going to do publication. Now I'm going to do advertising. Now this is not going to give me what I assume it should."
I suppose I'll try out for everything that I can from now on. I don't believe that I have the luxury to choose or to eliminate, especially when I'm starting out, and certainly as a junior designer, I should go for what's available and then I hope to just learn as I go and build on that as they come.
Cause now I'm scared. I'm scared because I've lost my direction, simply as that.
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| So here I am... a 23 year old single woman with no financial security but with many life experiences behind me, did that mean nothing?
After all, heart breaking breakups are the hardest kind of wound, so... shouldn't there be some credit for enduring them?
And if not, how do you retain a sense of value when you have nothing concrete to show for it?
Cause at the end, it’s yet another failed relationship, when all you have left are more wounds and self out, you have to wonder... what's it all worth?
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| " To my mind there is nothing in life so delightful as that feeling of Relief, of Escape, and Absolute Freedom, which on experiences in a vast solitude, where man has perhaps never been, and has, at any rate, left no trace of his existence. "
One had told me that when the time comes in life... the moment when you feel like you could no longer breathe~
It is a signal from your soul that the energy stored in you is reaching to the very end and it is time to go and restore your energy...
... and the destination is... Patagonia.
A place known to be so spiritual... it almost seems like it will not only offer you a new source of energy, but would also purify your soul... | | |
| Maybe 10 days late BUT stiLL not too late for a New Year's Resolution Blog I suppose~
Before I start with that, I would like to spare a moment to look back into 2008...
2008... For some, it has been the most memorable year or a life turning point;
Such as my sister... who had decided in February, that she wants to welcome a new member into the family... After almost 11 years into her marriage~ in 2008 she embraced the experience of pregnancy and now a mother of a beautiful baby girl~
For me... 2008 was a year of mixed emotions...
During the first 6 months, I was a walking zombie in misery in battle for my final semester of my Visual Communication Design course at Billy Blue School of Graphic Arts.
I lived by my golden rule of survival...
"When you think it's easy...it's hard~
When you think it's hard...it's impossible~
When you think it's impossible...it's due 8:30AM the next day!!"
With that theory, I managed to fight till the very end, and in July 2008 I graduated with a Bachelor Degree of Visual Communication Design.
... and this closes another chapter of my life. A very memorable chapter... a chapter that went on for 3 and a half years... The 3 and a half years which allowed Canni to become... Canni.
And again, I'm going off track... we're talking about 2008 here not 2005, 2006 and 2007...
Well since we're here, I might as well squeeze something in... Towards the end of 2007 I allowed myself to step back into the world of telecommunications after leaving Hutchison for almost 2 years already...
Vodafone... my nightmare begins once again... here goes another quote which I strongly agree to;
"I've worked in retail, and thus I've lost all faith in humanity..."
... and maybe another one...
"Customers are Always wrong until proven Right!!!"
That pretty much sums up Telecommunications aye?! haha
But I am glad that I've stepped back into Telco... for one, if I haven't I would have missed out on a GREAT bunch of interesting, crazy zoo animals as friends =P
The big family was awesome on 250 Pitt St, not only were we workmates, but we all became so close and protective of each other, backing each other up from crazy customers and saving each other ass from our Compliance Department (haha sorry had to add that one in)
And together we faced the MOST stressful up's and down's at 250 Pitt St... (YES!! iPhone launch!! FUCK!!)
Even though they've pretty much turned me back into an alcoholic... BUT I still love my crew~ ( at times =P ) but good moments never stays put...
One by one they've found a door through to a new career path... and yet from the very beginning everyone thought that I would be the first to leave Vodafone to carry on with my Design career after my graduation...
Thats why I always say... "Life is unpredictable and filled with many surprises/obstacles within..."
And till now... I think I am the ONLY original Pitt St crew left... so I left Pitt St too~ and stepped into Chatswood!! haha... how S-A-D... nehhh~ closer to home I guess... especially when I've decided to take upon studying again this year, I think it will be more suitable for me to stay in a less stressed environment.
Do you think I am escaping from reality by studying again? That thought came across my mind too... am I?
I don't know how to express the feeling of not being able to find a job... 6 months... 6 long months since I've graduated and yet... I am still in telco... I feel so helpless yet useless...
Can't help but to feel a bit depressed at times aye~
Can't help but to think that maybe... just maybe I'm not good enough to be recognized, not even as a Junior designer. I'm just not qualified...
As my lecturer had said on the first day of our final semester...
"Out of 10 design students, only 1 will find a job... Think of me as a bastard...but this is reality kids!!"
Well... That 'bastard' was right.
BUT who says I'm about to give up?? I wiLL continue on chasing my dream =)
Along with a new golden quote;
"I will...
Look like a Lady
Act like a Man
Work like a Dog"
So here goes~ 2009...
1. I wiLL get my FuLL License... (stop laughing!!)
2. I wiLL contact every single recruitment agency and find myself a design related job!!
3. I wiLL go back to freelancing and build up my portfolio
4. I wiLL do a part time course at night for Marketing/Advertising
5. I wiLL learn to control my tempers and emotions better
6. I wiLL spend more time with my family and consider their feelings more... (I'm Sorry.)
7. I wiLL stop being such a shopaholic and learn to save up and then.....
8. I wiLL go visit my niece in Hong Kong
9. I wiLL (and check this Karen...) I wiLL commit to my Yoga classes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10.
In 2009 I will search for the Myth of Happiness...
Which means... haha I dunno... shall see yah?!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
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| Have you ever been in an argument before? Of cause you have... allow me to rephrase my question;
"Have you ever been in an argument where you are the only one who is left upset and angry, well lets just say miserable... and when your opponent is still yet so logically calm..."
...... Not a hint of sadness or a scent of anger spotted... AT ALL...
Maybe THIS is when you'll truly come to understand that when you had once naively thought that you only deserved the minimal from him... and yet when minimal reaches to a point where you no longer dare to even have any basic expectations...
Give yourself a pat on the back, cause you have just become the most vulnerable woman and;
You wiLL feel sorry for yourself...
You wiLL scream at the sky and go "WHY"
You wiLL constantly feel like crying... AND most sadly...
You wiLL repetitively create excuses for "Him"
You wiLL then ask pathetically to the owl that's standing outside your window;
"Why can't I deserve better? Why can't he cherish me? Why can't he do the same for what I had done for him? Why can't I be his first priority? Why can't he just LOVE ME?"
Sweetheart... LOVE yourself.
If this is the kind of treatment, kind of torture that you are going through... It is NOT healthy...
You're already not a very healthy person, and your emotions CANNOT be attacked like this all the time...
You can continue on with this torture BUT your soul can't... she is weak...
Please don't stress her... Please don't crush her...
Because if it shatters again this time... No matter how strong you are, you can't put her back together again.
Your soul had been shattered way too many times. Give it a break... If not for yourself, at least have the decency to do it for your Soul
Yes. I am talking to you.
Listen to me please.
Soul.
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